


not anymore

by Lilian



Series: /31 Ineffable Darlings [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Advent Calendar, Falling (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21697384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilian/pseuds/Lilian
Summary: A nightmare.(drawlight's Advent Calendar, day 5: fire.)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: /31 Ineffable Darlings [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559905
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	not anymore

He woke up gasping. It’s been some time since he had this nightmare. Wasn’t a nightmare really, more of a memory. Well, people tended to call horrible experiences nightmares even when they didn’t come back later to haunt them when they slept.

This one did, but not too often.

First the fight and the accusations and the shouting, then the hands grabbing at him with the intent to hurt, to push. Falling did not work like that, but at the same time, _it did. _

Against his better judgement and not really believing anymore, he prayed quietly. This angered them and they screamed at God as children demanding justice. This part was usually muted when it happened again in his dreams. Megatron appeared, said a few disdainful words that stole the breath from his lungs.

And then the hands were back and he was shoved away hard enough to slip. He started falling the moment he realized he hated them, how he resented their ideas and their blind righteousness, their stupid traditions that missed the point by miles. The worship of a God that didn’t care.

It was called falling because it felt like it. Suddenly no more steady ground under his feet, a dizzy and disoriented tilt of the world, or perhaps him in the universe. His wings started burning, turning back. It wasn’t accompanied by an unbearable pain as he previously imagined. It hurt a bit, but it also smoked and darkened and that was the part that was _scary. _Looked like it’d never stop, and he didn’t dare to move it, touch his wings or try to put the fire out.

Eventually, it died, leaving him only with panicked breathing and spinning thoughts, vulnerability like he never felt before, seeping into his bones.

He couldn’t quite let go of the sensation. Fire eating at his wings. Fire so cold it burned. Being completely, utterly alone.

And then Crowley ran up to him, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, and threw himself on the floor next to him and touched his face gently in his warm hand.

“I sensed that something happened. Are you alright, angel?”

“I’m not.”

“Where does it—how can I...?”

Aziraphale laughed, and it was fun to hear that the laugh was anything but fun.

“I’m not an angel anymore.”

And then he sighed and nodded and collected himself and went on with his life.

Then about a week later, he kissed Crowley for the first time. A few days later he had a breakdown, and then Crowley helped him figure out who he was now, what changed and what has not.

That was all two years ago.

Now Aziraphale barely dreamed with the falling anymore. When he slept, he usually dreamt about books, Crowley or fleeting sounds and images he couldn’t quite recall the next morning.

“Are you okay?” Crowley murmured from across the bed. He had his hand reaching out for him like he always did.

Aziraphale snuggled close to him and kissed his knuckles.

“I am fine, dearest. I love you. Let’s go back to sleep.”


End file.
